One day at a time....

It is the New Year.....since a week already. I have made 0 resolutions yet. I have not even got around to reflecting on whether to, any trend analysis of the previous years, why I am not doing any, at least a guiding theme for the year like 'balance', or 'peace' etc etc .....nada.....the mind has been cluttered with a whole lot of stuff, not much of clearing out happening.... Though out of all the ongoing chaos in my life there are realizations...and I have decided to stick to one day at a time, one task at a time....should do well with that.

I always have minimum two tasks ongoing.....I am reading two books at a time (when I did that is)....or cooking and vacuuming....or cooking when taking the kids' homework and no wonder then I deserve the 'singed chef'' badge. I remember once, it so happened, that I was learning 2 languages at the same time - only one day of the week so I could live with that, and the mind had not aged much then, but oh boy the switch was not easy and grammar though so different for them both was a challenge.

When too much parallel processing happens, there is stretched bandwidth where I am not giving 100 percent to any task and it results in more effort. and burnout. On the flipside what happens if I choose to focus on one task only.....given the limited time for tasks, I will need to prioritize, if it is lessons then I don't vacuum, or put up a one-pot meal for everyone in the family.....or iron only what I need for next day, and ignore the fact that the TV table needs dusting......you get the drift....This is what I need to do....

Another thing is ask for help. As a stay at home partner, parent I have taken care of a lot of tasks and responsibilities - which the working partner could/would not assume as it was just convenient that way and anyway I had the time. Now that over a couple of months I am out too, it gets too much for me. Considering I need to have some time to myself to do nothing.....or something I want to do....have not even scheduled a zumba class for myself....In the world of adults you only get what you ask for and empathy is not a strong point for everyone. So I have decided to ask for help....or even openly delegate, since I owe it to myself.

I spent the weekend of Christmas learning something that I needed to learn at work...something that had come my way October end, a good two months after I was to know it....all because I could not free my weekends to make time for something that I should be knowing. How ludicrous it sounds!!! Yes, I am that bad with asking. In another happening, big G was out on a playdate, and it was lil g and me..we had spent some time running errands, got home and started on a 1000 piece board puzzle...when she put her hands around me, hugged me and thanked me for spending the time exclusively with her....this did tear me up a bit...recently I am becoming those touchy and teary persons...and notice that  people walk around me cautiously...not something I am proud of....

I see that lil g needs more of me than I am able to be, and occasionally Big G too. I used to feel similarly about my mom too, though she was working ever since I remember...and had learnt to kind of deal with most of my tasks/needs on my own unless it was something beyond my capacity as a child. I realise I am mixing issues here, I tend to do that....this is a sum of parts situation though. I have also decided on stopping social media like WA to a minimum... to void off distraction and time drain....tough but working on it.

Can we talk some positives here? I am working on my driving and I have gone to work driving...even conquering the highway anxiety.....a few times now. I think I will be better the more I keep doing it. For the rest its all work in progress.....