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Lost but still not found

A new post on the first day of the New Year 2026, would you  believe it? Am I turning into a new leaf or what? wait who even talks like that anymore. I hear Slay, Oh My Days as expressions and whatever is the 67 thing? I see my last post is from April 2025 and normally that would call for a mega recap. Let me think back, what did i do since then? Any positives to mention? Let me sum it up, pretty much went with the flow and wasted a lot of time. Oh yes that hurts but then its the truth. Summer was ok, with small trip thrown in. Joined a weighloss program and managed to maintain weight, that's about it. No new learnings or major certifications on the work side. Grr, i want to go back in time and shake myself for living like a hypnotized goat, who just follows pre-ordained commands which do not always consider what the being wants to do. Its always a dilemma between what I want to do, need to do and must do. Half assing everything almost. I am so not proud of myself. From a bored dro...
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The slow thawing

I realise I am inconsistent in lots of stuff and instead of my usual defensive spiel,  here is a quiet acceptance of that. Guilty of that and many more things....but not being disciplined tops the list. It shows how I take care of myself, how I keep order at home, how I generally mange myself and my world. How easy it is for me to not keep up to anything consistently....Its embarassing, its seen in the constant self-talk I have with myself. It shows up in stuff pending over the week and taking over weekend, it shows in the amount of dirt that came out of cleaning under the dish-washer, just one of those things which I had been forever planning to do; it shows in how I finally managed to paint my toe-nails after one year - sometimes there was no nailpolish remover; or nail polish itself; other times it was something I remembered just before bedtime or just when stepping out, hence no time to dry itself; sometimes I did remember but pushed it away for a bit and then forgot because so...
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Reaching out...feel like a talk?

Thoughts in this post can be rambling and mixed  up. For someone who is quiet and introvert-ish I often surprise myself with my need for being connected to people. I use the term 'people' very loosely here, it just means others.....Not that I am an overtly curious sort, wanting to know what everybody is upto, its just that conversations and exchanges, besides their basic purpose, also impart a feel-good factor for me. Something I took for granted when I was in India and here when I had a phone but no friend to call on for a casual hello for a while. So I for one am pinging people or sometimes outrightly calling them... sometimes my reasons are a casual interest into their well being, or maybe the pretext of an innocuous question, or in these days of sharing over Whatsapp sharing links or info of their interest -  the never ending supply of forwards which is an enterprise in itself....but more often than not it is just my need to connect... for an exchange, a conversation ........
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Things that happen before a new post

Yes yes, the latest of them being my computer conked out....the keyboard that is...and unable to log in. Somewhere is an external keyboard and till I can find it  will use a borrowed PC. Things I need to mention and here goes in no chronological order...Big G turned 13 in November....she is as tall as me, even inching higher as I write this post....such a mixture of emotions we have when we see her come out on her own as a very young adult. She is getting more and more independent, questioning, open to discussions, at the same time being a bit gauchy, and unreasonable, moody at times. Well its that age or genes maybe.... The sisters have a good relationship which kind of traverses from gentle talk to raised voices ..a gentle shove or a raised eyebrows to back to affectionate hugs....in a span of minutes and it is best to keep out of it unless it escalates as the parents are the outsiders into it all. Both of them are more of daddy's girls. lil G is more interested in girly stuff...
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New Year 2024; same old me

Hi there,  just happened to think of the blog today. The blog, when I did write more often, albiet inconsistently, was therapeutic for me. Helped me blow steam, coherently list out stuff, and best part is since I could not crack the code of mass-readership (its a personal blog after all, how interesting can a random stranger's life be(!😀?) I could really be candid and gave me good insight on the  workings of my mind.  Maybe its my anxiety but I have been living with fear of some doom scenarios unfloding ...global crisis and wars etc  and then some internal stuff. Even though I often remind myself to be grateful for all the good stuff I do have in my life, believe me there is; truth is my myopic self has started to not think very highly of myself. The changing physical apperance is the starting point for feeling this way>glasses and menopause weight; greying hair make me feel a bit outdated. A 'silhouette' is a dream I can't aspire for. I have not been able to mak...
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Catching up...

Not planning to post updates from the last post in 2020>cause I have lived a million lives in between but the soul is the same. Phone memory is kind of full and my memory is rusty, I remember only what  I need to ...not all that I read or experience or go through; eyesight and likewise reminisinces are a bit blurry. I don't recall conversations just how they left me feeling. Which also means I watch my words it shouldn't put someone else  in a quandary or any yo-yo.. Publishing this very short post as I discovered I have been very much AWOL from this space. So have I  been very much present in the now in real life; nah I don't want to go there now. But one thing I realise is best to be consistent...with the walk, yoga, homework, housework.....catch up mode just does not work for all cases.,..if it does at all.....else just remove it from your to-do and live a bit lightly. If guilts, regrets abound ...your inner voice, maybe therapist will help work it out. I did try ta...
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SIP and life?.... airing an old unpublished post..circa 2016

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Misleading headlines seem to be my forte. As of now life is well, no comments - the POV changes on a day to day basis... I wake up to the sight of the "honge marra" standing tall just   outside the house. That was planted by Tatha when he built the house more than 20 years ago. The branches of the tree laden with its flowers peak over the terrace parapet and when the flowers are in bloom, the floor is covered in a beautiful mosaic of fallen flowers. Squirrels and crows, robins, bulbuls... have an adda- time on the branches, giving lot of bird watching scope for us from inside. That's just one of the things that will remain most with me. When it comes to that, planting trees or maintaining a small garden can be the best SIP for the future one can do. Spending times with kids and family connecting without smart devices pinging for your attention is another way too. The cold wind which blows in from the windows reminds me of the cold place we would be moving to soon. I...
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