New tidings, newer resolutions!

Yes, my 2nd baby is born already and she is exactly 2 months, 3 days old today. Time elapsed since I last updated my blog is 6 months, give or take a few days. I am no longer in Belgium and need to update my profile on blogger and also a lot of other places. I am in my parents home for the last 3 months. Landed here in May. It started a sudden change of plans and it looked for some time as though we were back here for good.

Made my parents, who were almost set on coming there and helping me out with baby's birth cancel tickets. Tried to settle down here, make G settle down to a life here and waited for the baby to come. No, it was not easy, but the mantra was to take it one day at a time. Nothing falls in place just when u want it too, but it does eventually, or you get reconciled to another perspective. Here too, the same thing played out in many cases.

For G it has been a major adjustment, as its her first long stay here, and home with all her books and toys and Dad of course is still in Belgium. For me, I could have done without being here for a long period and forcing everyone to make adjustments and compromises - lifestyle, space, etc. After 2nd baby was born, I have been so involved with her that I have left G entirely to nana-nani for so many things. She is resentful about that and it shows in many ways - tantrums, pushing me away, refusing to do activities which we enjoyed doing together - crafts, starfall.com, etc. Sometimes I am too fagged out and sometimes too selfish to do too much. Another thing is her stubbornness, really really difficult to deal with pleasantly, so its best to walk away and leave her to someone who has a greater measure of patience.

I too am left with a sense of being on the cross-roads of life. I need to instill far more discipline in my life than what exists currently. I need to reevaluate my life with a bigger picture in mind. Our family life needs to be restored as in we all need to be together, be it here, Belgium or elsewhere. I hate being so dependent on my aged parents here and know that in Belgium I will be the same way on my husband. I know that 2 children, poses a certain amount of limitations on your life, but I want to be in a state that once I get the freedom to do what i choose, I use it well.

The big problem, what do I want to do with my life? When i say that, I mean career-wise, I have not been very happy with my work-related choices. There, I have said that and now that I am a stay-at home mother, I have not excelled on that front too. Can't keep a spotless house, cooking for more than 4 adults makes me very conscious and panicky, not good at knitting ( half a scarf is my claim for acclaim), etc, tight-lipped when it comes to social networking, and a couple of insecurities thrown in for good measure.

My only resolution is to administer a dose of discipline to my life and live the moment in now.

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