201th post etc etc

Ok, I'm going to be very direct and honest in this post. Maybe I'll lose all the rest of the readers here but this has to be on record. Scatter-brained, lazy, actually slothful is what best describes me off late. I am guilty of just existing these days, not living, and have no idea how much time I've wasted in this manner, more than a couple of months surely.

I have become this stranger to myself and sometimes feel like at least one other personality of mine takes over from my usual self for a considerable part of time and does things which I would normally not do. Like eating chocolate for instance. For most of last year I had sworn off chocolate and biscuits and managed to be on track most of the time. This year, it's back-fired in a bizarre fashion. I am guilty of eating up the lion's share of chocolates, from the kids' stash, and if I don't get to eat any (like when there isn't any at home) suffer from withdrawl pangs. Though Toblerone seems to be my current favoruite, in crunch situations cooking chocolate and even Mars bars or Nutella or Marshmellows work, you get it - basically anything SWEET. One should never think that chocolate eating can be a stealth activity. Because it shows up on those extra inches and  tyres which no layers of winter wardrobe can hide decently. It's been so that I swear to go off it like right now, and in the very next five minutes go back for a fix!

Then there has been this unable to keep up to any good or lasting habits - be it doing yoga at home or joining a gym (still deciding on the gym for God's sake!!!) or even reading. Lack of reading, I blame totally on my phone and couple of apps I've downloaded which are a time suck really. In fact, though I was inconvenienced and sad that my comp. eventually failed to start up, I saw it that I wouldn't be tied down to squatting in front of it for a major part of the day. And there I am, looking up info or reading links or following random people and reading about stuff I did not even know I was interested in. For instance this (am not at all into tech stuff) or this (will take me a lifetime to get through) or this - my problem with articles that get away without saying anything.

Blogging has also been slow - because a lot of my readers (from amongst the few I had :)) are not very regular and I lose motivation and the whole cycle where one feeds the other. Goodwill seems to be a limiting point too :) So I'm racking my brains thinking of interesting post ideas and maybe join some writing groups. If you folks reading this know of any, do suggest.

There is no life-changing event happened, moving house long discounted too. And I am angry and saddened with myself with my silly attitude. The only time I've been happy is when I have something to do - like baking a princess cake, or when I made a quilling card or wrote a report which I enjoyed, but these inspirations are few and far between. And one can't live life like this - in fits and bursts. Of course, I've been the bare minimum wife too and a distracted mother. I did manage to entertain almost every other weekend but again cooking is interesting activity for me and my guests carry their good manners along. The absurd and sad part is I think of myself in the third person, which seems unreal. Kind of losing it!

No idea how to get out of this impasse of sorts - on various levels. Feel stuck! Have you ever been in similar situations? How did you overcome them?