Playdates...many flavours
I grew up in a small colony where the way to a friend's house was never far. Friends lived a street or even a shout away. After school, we would congregate to meet at someone's house, maybe even do our home work together, play badminton, go cycling, do some skipping....so many things to occupy us. Our parents were never involved.Formal Playdates as a concept became relevant to me when I lived abroad with my child, not knowing anyone who had a child. I would entertain her to the best of my ability but I could not create a social millieu with other kids around. Luckily I befriended another Mom with a yound kid and we had a few meets - at each others' places. When your kids are small (read 1.5 yrs to 2.5 yrs), playdates actually mean you and another mom/s sitting and playing next to your kids. Kids that age need to be kept engaged, stimulated throughout. They also play alongside the other kids, not with, in most cases. Be prepared for toy-sharing tantrums etc. The Moms can try to get and know each other in between the feeding times, diaper-change routines, and general cheering your kid to be at their best behaviour. If you are the host, you should get brownie points for cleaning up your house, and preparing some playdate snacks too. On a side note, I spoke to my friend more on phone and hardly much during the play date.
On sunny days, we met in the park. Had a go at the swings and see-saws and the sand pit, then played some catch catch on the lawns and picknicked. We also fed the hungry ducks, took pictures for souvenirs. A couple of hours spent soaking the sunshine and mostly fun.Went back home with flushed cheeks and a day well spent.
Playdates tend to get easier when the kids grow up and start going to school. By then, they have experienced being with other kids, sharing, waiting for their turn, are potty trained, can converse and express their needs. One can't let up on the adult supervision bit though. You should be available to step in and offer suggestions on what they could play next, be ready to conduct some group activity, a story telling session, be a mediator, yes, don't count on being a bystander. You can put up your feet only after. For the treats part of it, I prefer something easy on time and healthy. So it would be sandwiches with cheese or vegetables, fruits and milk or milkshakes, home-made cake. Sometimes pancakes or french fries.
When my kids were young, any kid was welcome to play. Now they have preferences. The younger one would tag along, but now wants to be treated at par. Also, there is the gender thing at play. Last time, a friend's son was over to play, he commented how we have no cars or a big enough football or at the very least, a spiderman mask. My older one is able to translate if I don't understand what her friends speak in Dutch. Wasn't it the other way around a while ago? There are secrets exchanged. The time to next playdate is not a vague next week or month but a definite 4th April from 11 to 2pm. I have just managed to go beyond my comfort zone and send my daughter to a classmate's for a playdate. She came back super excited about the experience. Highlight being doughnuts and purple princess decor of the friend's room. How do you organise playdates?
Crossposted at Indian Moms Connect here.
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Interesting post Vibha .. My childhood was similar to yours. Lived in a huge apartment complex and parents were never involved during playtime. Hide and seek, cycling, running games .. That life is relatively easy on the parents I guess.
ReplyDeleteFrom what you've written, it looks like quite a feat to host a play date !
Thanks Aarthy. IMO, one tends to make a simple social event complicated. I've known (heard of) playdates where extensive menus are planned, and the inevitable showing off as the best-paydate mother starts. I prefer to keep things really simple. Also know of a mom who gets really antsy when kids make some noise and there is a bit of disarray with toys, and starts screaming. I try to schedule park dates with her or invite her kid over.
DeleteA lot of things that we were a given during our days has assumed a more complex and glamourous, if I may say, avataar I'd say. Our vacation was always spent in someone else's house and we never knew there is a name to all this.
ReplyDeleteMaybe relationships, casual and other-wise. have become a very formal notion. We hesitate to take on a neighbour's help assuming that it is a disturbance and want to do it all. Boon and bane of living on your own in a different city/land...
True Uma, there is not much left of the old ways anymore. In our times, as you say, we spent vacations in someone else's house, wonder if we would be so trusting to let our kids do that today? Yes, that is the biggest drawback of staying in another country, lot of cultural differences to contend with, never see kids playing outside together.
DeleteI never knew there existed a concept of playdates until recently. Looks like I have a lot to learn and unlearn before I can even start thinking of motherhood. But, all said and done, it is always a learning process, no?
ReplyDeleteOh yes, life is a learning and unlearning process, Pooja! And learning is fun, no :P
DeletePlay dates are very relevant to me too.. Thankfully now Zini has started staying on her own to one of her friend's place (just 2 floors above our floor).. Generally we prefer to meet in the garden where toy sharing tantrums have no scope. But once in a while we visit each other at home and do potluck lunches together with moms and kids..
ReplyDeleteThat's really nice way of doing it. It's easier if you stay close-by, maybe that is one aspect which is important in organising playdates or improptu get-togethers too. I also prefer meeting in parks etc is great as kids tend to get some place to run around and make noise, which is a big no-no if you stay in appartments.
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