2010 - in perspective

There are some things I do want to highlight about 2010. Chronology is not all that important, except for what's remained as souvenirs from that year. I learnt how to drive and in 2011 already coming close to forgetting it. But that is really matter for a whole new blog post. And i almost learnt swimming!!!!! Is that possible - yes, when you go for 3 sessions only and then u can manage to swim half a length holding onto a pole, not quite co-ordinating hands and feet (and of course the mind!), everything's possible. This is when you say little knowledge is a dangerous thing. Imagine jumping in to save somebody's life and you know the rest.......

Still, these were attempts at getting out of my comfort zone and doing something i've never done...so not bad!!! And i haven't even talked about the almost done sweater, well, only the sleeves need to be crocheted.......sure to be ready by summer:)

I joined French classes, my dream since childhood to learn this language, don't know how and why, perhaps the French words used in Enid Blyton books, or the Malory Tower girls despair for French verbs.......My cousin was learning French from the Alliance Francaise and I know i had learnt up the entire Hasta Manana song listening to the record. A few100 times i guess.........but finally i did and would really like to pursue it more - this is just the bare basics.........long way to go....especially when my French teacher spoke more English than French, immersion would be ideal but not possible..........

But the biggest cringer, blooper of all the times is i lost a friend, and don't even ask how. Why, I do not know. I've come to terms with it, only just, it hurts in a similar way when back in kindergarten the girl you liked did not want to be friends with you... and no explanations given. Did not know i would have to deal with a similar situation in my 30's.

In all humbleness, maybe a lot of it was my fault, like calling up too often (how often is too often, i really don't know), asking to meet up or general inquisitiveness about the other person, politely phrased of course, not visiting her daughter after she recovered from chicken-pox, sigh!

I really don't know...Certainly there was some insecurity on my side, I wanted more commitment than was on offer..........my bad!! And I thought she needed and appreciated my friendship too!!! I mean we used to talk a lot about our lives, daily schedule, kids, families.

What could have changed so suddenly, almost overnight? The rejection pill was v. bitter to taste. I wonder how i would handle a similar situation. With a lot more tact, I hope. I would not not answer calls, or pointedly forget birthdays, or be mean. I would be straight, look, this is a busy time of the day for me, or say i think i am going private, i'd like some space.....can i call back at a time when its convenient. I really don't know any easy way which would not hurt the other person.........so maybe she employed whatever she thought was fair.......

I came out of it realizing I don't need friends to fill up my life anymore. I started appreciating the sound of silence. I kind of understand letting go.........I don't neglect my kids over a half hour of phone gossip, positives are endless. My phone contact list has a freed up space. A sarcastic ha ha!!

Memory is another thing though! However much you may want to wipe it away, it is not easy................even many days later it stings....it does not make you feel very good about yourself, especially since even a casual friendship needs investment in terms of time and emotions...............but this experience will definitely alter my perspective of friendship in my life now on. No more heart-to-heart talk, be more open to friendships of convenience.......even accepting rejections is kind of easier.......

To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under the sun. A time to be born and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted; a time to kill and a time to heal ... a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance ... a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to lose and a time to seek; a time to rend and a time to sew; a time to keep silent and a time to speak; a time to love and a time to hate; a time for war and a time for peace.

ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Edited to add: While I am yet to begin my 2011 summary, I had this in my drafts and decided to go ahead and publish it :)