Mish-Mash, part n...

Staying disciplined has never been my strong-points and when life becomes a bit more demanding I just seem to be able to get only the bare minimum done. Hence a couple of months with no posts at all, slipped out of the gratitude circle posting too. It's been crazy and not... what with multiple demands, commitments and to-dos.

When I speak to my Father, he says enjoy this phase of life of being busy. And I think that sometimes I complain too much... I should work on being more organised. There are events, interactions which seem to fly past that I don't even reflect on anything except for an attempt to be in the moment. Lot of stuff done on auto-pilot mode.  Maybe I should just reconcile to living a life of fleeing moments, just like the apps - Periscope, snapchat etc. Perhaps nothing is worth holding onto, I sort of disagree with such a blanket statement though.

My biggest cause of guilt these days is time with kids. Dog tired when back home and the task of fixing dinner (read this post and I am sure a lot of  you'll  will agree with it) and all the extras.... Agendas to be signed, make sure swim bag is packed, instructions to cleaning lady....attempts to keep in touch with friends and family.....to get adequate sleep, do what I do well or at least better than yesterday....And I don't even have very high bars set on anything. One thing is missing out reading to them or at least to my younger one, who needs to be persuaded to read.

This month marks a year to Mom being no more ...sometimes I wonder how seemingly easily I have come to accept it .... feel guilty about it too at times....maybe I am practical or just too busy living my life. Of course her illness was such that we had the time to process and eventually accept the inevitable. Things I can never know now ...a million of questions unanswered, conversations unfinished, what would she do were she to face  some situations I do, how she would react to things I tell her....that's a void for sure, no one to look out for me the way only a Mother can do.

Stuff that has happened...demanding client,  supportive colleagues, getting back to driving and working on driving anxiety, a haircut for Big G, lil g and her viool lessons, the Diwali play , sundry power play and politics, detachment from people who I once thought were like minded and I could be friends with..falling behind with the fitness schedule, failing resolution to avoiding junk food, fall season, birthday month at home in November, etc etc etc.....I am not even sure why I am writing all this..post it notes for memories later. And my best efforts to finish a post I started way back in September.

Like they say, when you want to quit something, don't quit today, leave it for tomorrow.

So long, hope to be back soonest.