The new life...
Is quite different from my old one. I am going with the flow. Childrens' school routine still rules my schedule and planning. Since this is not my own home, I don't need to make a lot of decisions, which is the good part. Uh, the not so-good part sometimes is I have to go along with things which can sometimes can be ... well, this is teaching me patience, flexibility and compromise - life skills, aren't they?
Hindi learning figures daily in our schedule. We go two steps forward and sometimes three steps behind. I realise that teaching Hindi even as a Hindi speaker is not that easy. I tend to speak to my daughters in English and mother tongue mostly, so Hindi is now spoken as an afterthought. The kids have picked up smatterings of it from TV and friends, and especially since there is more exposure to it all around us, will pick it up faster. Fingers crossed. I speak to the auto guys in Kannada. There are mixed reactions, couple of them immediately responded in Hindi, which was funny and not. With the maid, I try to speak in Kannada too, animated gestures using a lot of hand movements. A friend of mine who is learning French, says that in the beginning this is normal with a new language.
This is precisely why, back in Belgium, when I just started learning French, I would explain to my incredulous husband that I cannot speak it so well on the phone, as I need to see the person and use gestures! On another note, when seeing me diligently practice the language with the auto drivers, my daughter tells me, Wow Mama, you know your husband-tongue very well!!
I have to figure out what I want to do with my life. I had thought it would be comparatively easy to get a job back home. It is still early days to tell, after all these years of being home. Meanwhile, my mil has been diagnosed with dengue fever and was even hospitalised. It is good that in the evenings the kids and me can often walk to a green park close-by where the kids can play on some slides and swings and I can breathe in fresh air - the most eagerly awaited time of the day for all three of us.
The economic disparity in our country is staggering. Sights of human defecation in the open is something which is very sad and alarming. Body language is very important here. You have to be alert and aggressive, ready to doubt anyone and everyone. I wonder if being honest or morality are important values for people anymore, over the daily struggle for survival.
I do miss my old life though I always knew that was not permanent. I miss the baking I used to do, the quiet and my own space. And ingredients too, though I would get limited options there too. I made a tiramisu for the mil's birthday - with cake instead of the ladyfingers biscuits and came out well. I read "Our Moon has Blood Clots" by Rahul Pandita and am now dipping into Dust on the Mountain - short stories collection of Ruskin Bond.
Still know very few people here, and need to meet people. Have fallen into the habit of speaking with my parents, Mom especially, twice a day. My brother is in the same town and no really, I wonder, why I've caught myself wishfully wanting to go back to my old life. I don't want to sound spoilt but sometimes I sulk or contemplate the decision. Maybe I tend to focus on the material things only. If I recollect the sense of alienation or being alone, maybe I would not think so. Not that it is irreversible in any way. Change is tough certainly.
Hindi learning figures daily in our schedule. We go two steps forward and sometimes three steps behind. I realise that teaching Hindi even as a Hindi speaker is not that easy. I tend to speak to my daughters in English and mother tongue mostly, so Hindi is now spoken as an afterthought. The kids have picked up smatterings of it from TV and friends, and especially since there is more exposure to it all around us, will pick it up faster. Fingers crossed. I speak to the auto guys in Kannada. There are mixed reactions, couple of them immediately responded in Hindi, which was funny and not. With the maid, I try to speak in Kannada too, animated gestures using a lot of hand movements. A friend of mine who is learning French, says that in the beginning this is normal with a new language.
This is precisely why, back in Belgium, when I just started learning French, I would explain to my incredulous husband that I cannot speak it so well on the phone, as I need to see the person and use gestures! On another note, when seeing me diligently practice the language with the auto drivers, my daughter tells me, Wow Mama, you know your husband-tongue very well!!
I have to figure out what I want to do with my life. I had thought it would be comparatively easy to get a job back home. It is still early days to tell, after all these years of being home. Meanwhile, my mil has been diagnosed with dengue fever and was even hospitalised. It is good that in the evenings the kids and me can often walk to a green park close-by where the kids can play on some slides and swings and I can breathe in fresh air - the most eagerly awaited time of the day for all three of us.
The economic disparity in our country is staggering. Sights of human defecation in the open is something which is very sad and alarming. Body language is very important here. You have to be alert and aggressive, ready to doubt anyone and everyone. I wonder if being honest or morality are important values for people anymore, over the daily struggle for survival.
I do miss my old life though I always knew that was not permanent. I miss the baking I used to do, the quiet and my own space. And ingredients too, though I would get limited options there too. I made a tiramisu for the mil's birthday - with cake instead of the ladyfingers biscuits and came out well. I read "Our Moon has Blood Clots" by Rahul Pandita and am now dipping into Dust on the Mountain - short stories collection of Ruskin Bond.
Still know very few people here, and need to meet people. Have fallen into the habit of speaking with my parents, Mom especially, twice a day. My brother is in the same town and no really, I wonder, why I've caught myself wishfully wanting to go back to my old life. I don't want to sound spoilt but sometimes I sulk or contemplate the decision. Maybe I tend to focus on the material things only. If I recollect the sense of alienation or being alone, maybe I would not think so. Not that it is irreversible in any way. Change is tough certainly.
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Change is always tough..and in every new place one has to make some adjustments, but there will be many pros too..
ReplyDeleteYes Renuji, change is tough and takes time. Keeping fingers crossed.
DeleteHmmm..I guess there is a certain amount of culture shock awaiting people who return to India after a long period, even if they had once been much a part of the chaos. Like you said the good things do spoil us and really, things have only been turning more chaotic here year after year. So, perhaps time will only help you get used to this way of life again. Even as I say this, I fervently hope that this way of life ceases to be the way it is.
ReplyDeleteYes Uma, though we visited every year, perhaps staying in a place is totally different ballgame altogether. I hope we can all work towards making life more organised and fair for all, it's a very long road ahead.
DeleteIt takes time .. a a bit more time and you will know everyone and what goes on . .
ReplyDeletechange is good sometimes .. not all changes are bad
all the best
Bikram
Thanks Bikram, it will take time. I know and fingers crossed, I hope it is change for the better.
DeleteIt's a culture shock, even if it is your own country! That's what staying outside for a few years does to you! I'm sure you'll soon find your rhythm! Hope your MIL is better now!
ReplyDeleteIt is indeed, Roshni, because one can't expect things to be the same way one has left them...change is the only constant. Thanks, my mil is back home and convalescing.
DeleteIn my experience it takes a whole year or close to it to settle down fully. Get used to all the annoyances, begin to appreciate all the good stuff and have a routine. It was hard for us when we came back to India even tho we had been away for 4 years only. Now can't imagine going back to the western hemisphere :) Good luck.
ReplyDeleteThanks Aparna, foolishly, I thought we'd settle down in a span of a month, but seems like it's a process. Giving myself more time for sure:)
DeleteYes, change is really tough. I know how I felt when I got back from the US. Having once experienced a better life, you miss the daily niceties even more. Give yourself some more time to settle into the rhythm.
ReplyDeleteThanks Rachna, doing my best to take it slowly and not place huge demands on myself or the kids.
DeleteWell written.. I think you had put across the point of many who are settling back very well! We aren't blaming India or anything, we have been living here, yes, just that we got used to a little bit of materialistic pleasures and the courteousness of people is glaringly visible.
ReplyDeleteThanks Gayathri! This is what I realize now, after being exposed to a different kind of life, and each has its merits and demerits. It is all a question of making one's choice and living with it. If possible, without judging those who've made a different one.
Delete