Not all whys are answered!

When my daughter asks me Why?? for a lot of things I don't have answers immediately. Sometimes I can answer her queries but for a lot of them I beg for time. For the factual stuff I look up the internet and remember to tell her over the coming days. Sometimes, though, she has forgotten her own question and is not very interested:) Seeing her elder sis at it, another little voice often puts up her set of questions beginning with 'Wallom' (actually should be Waarom: Why, can't pronounce the r :-).

Yesterday, Big G narrated something disturbing to me. She was talking to a friend's son, S, who is a year senior to her in school, (1st std and 2nd std) when a group of boy's from S's class started teasing them, saying , allee (come on) kiss him. She was very upset and angry when she got home, asking me why they said something like that. I asked her what she had done - she said nothing, she just stopped talking to S,  and felt uncomfortable. Did she go to the teacher, she shook her head.

I did not know what to tell her, rather how nuanced it ought to be. I told her that she can choose whom she talks to in school and there is nothing wrong in talking to boys/girls she is friendly with. Other people have no right to interfere or comment when you are talking to somebody and if they do so, you must ignore them. If they persist in pestering you,  inform the teacher on the play area.

Then, more importantly kissing is a show of affection which we do to our family mostly and to our special friends - example greeting them with a kiss (kiss on the cheeks only) or on their birthdays. We do not go around kissing people in schools or randomly, it's just not done. We go to school to learn new things, be part of a large group of people and play and interact together. If at any part of the process you are not comfortable with anything, you must talk to your Mama and Daddy at home and your teacher in school. We have a responsibility to resolve it for you.

I am not sure if all this has sunk in, I will of course have to repeat it over and over again. Today, she told me she did not encounter those boys again. I spoke to S's mother and she said that her own son had not said anything to her. Bullying is a part of school dynamics, like it or not. She even hinted that possibly we are targeted because of our skin colour. Another friend said that kids here at this young age are conscious about boy-girl interaction and maybe even about sex. I did not want to make a big deal about this incident with Big G because after all she is all of 6 years old.

I did not want to tell her that this is the first instance in the process of  growing up as a girl, never mind which corner of the world. I don't want to be the cynic who says watch out, for every step she takes. She is still a baby and so innocent.

One thing I have realized in staying here is integration is not easy. Because of the language it's even more difficult and a lot of people just give up and live in little islands of nationalities and communities. Perhaps it is a bit easier for people who work but for the rest no idea. The cultural differences are too many and on many levels. I don't understand why parents just give up on their kids when they become 18 years of age? No interference, no guidance, most of the times. When I see teens who are smoking casually, hanging out as couples flaunting PDA, the show of skin which does not raise any eyebrows, and wonder which of these will end up in the next episode of 'Tiener Moeders' (Teenage Mothers). Or am I getting more regressive as I age? One of my friends told me that DPS school sells condoms or some such but surely that is not representative of the whole of India.

My daughter's friends are children from other nationalities. Well, she does have one Belgian friend who stays closeby. When I asked if she could go and play with her classmate on an afternoon for an hour, the grandmother told me she will consult her agenda and let me know. That was a year ago!!! Well, I certainly have apprehensions about a lot of things here. Would love to hear from people who have stayed here for a longer time and how they've resolved these issues. Till then it continues to remain #immigrant'sproblems #expatissues #Belgiumblues.