Middle ground...

When is the time you practice not saying much? In some situations with other people I have something to say but am not sure how well it will go down....though it is something that needs to be said. I try to tone it down by trying to avoid certain phrases or words, or using a neutral tone or trying to smile my no-smile smile ...the last one takes some effort and is also not well received at times....Sometimes though situations become so explosive (why and how is what I'm always trying to work out in the after) that a single phrase/ word from me with the accompanying delivery tone causes an explosion of emotions among the others leaving me wondering, 'but hey, did they not want to hear it'.

Of course, being human, there are times when my own words and actions can transgress an unspoken code or a boundary. It is when I bravely and openly tender apologies in the face of having acted when overwhelmed by emotions and thoughts, I am careful then because there is such a thing as too much of an apology, or being forever apologetic. Both are extremes and can bring you down when all you are looking for is a middle ground. I like how it is with children, resolutions are no-fuss. There is some amount of tear-works and some protests and he/she did and he/she did not/said, etc but after the tears are dried, apologies tendered, hugs exchanged, there do not exist festering scabs that you must time and again dab with ointment or cotton swabs and then in any case they leave a telling mark. Children are often very forgiving....can go back to being best friends after sorries are said.

Why is it not the same with grown-ups? We tend to prick and prod and  test-bleed the scabs and the healing takes so long. What are the biggest trials of human behavior that one has faced and unable to overcome? We have lived through wars, genocides, illnesses, famines on a population level. Tell me of a society or civilization where thefts, robberies, murders, bankruptcies (since that too is a sort  of losing honour), and other assorted crimes do not exist. Why is it then that transgressions of personal nature are something which we hold on to....like never letting go.

I don't know because I tend to do it too, however consciously I am aware that I am doing so and yet the ego, pride rear up their ugly heads and make it tough for me to let it go.......And in return hold me captive in a gas chamber of ugly thoughts, feelings and emotions. Poison only! Holding on burdens me, feels exhausting and the release in the suffused tears does not lighten my heart., plus the mental bandwidth that remains clogged. I resolve to not saying much and that bottled up feeling is tough to shake off.....direct conversations are not always possible with everyone and yet that is the only thing that unfailingly helps clear the fraught air.

What are the ways to not get into such situations in the first place. I can only answer from my limited perspective. Perhaps it is best not to take everything too seriously and develop a thick skin. Allow for a most implausible explanation or POV from the other side, because one can't think of everything. Other people are different - culture, interpersonal skills, attitudes, communication,  etc even if they are friends or family and allow leeway for their reactions and responses. Middle ground is a good place to meet, have boundaries, respect others'and protect yours. Give space and time....and love yourself....walk away from aggression, or unfairness. Through all this practice detachment, because often it is not about you but about the other person, and one can do only so much.