Digital disconnects
All have a past, some have skeletons in the cupboard too! One man's past is another man's breaking story or even fixation! The past is not something you can sweep under the carpet and continue with your scrubbed and spruced up present. Not anymore. Thanks to facebook, orkut, myspace, it's become even more difficult. Someone is looking out for you.....and openly so.
Ok, I do exaggerate! Who is so lukkha, jobless to obsess of an uninspiring middle of 30's homemaker whom they knew back in school or in braces or as a trainee. But you know what, there are all sorts. I mean, half the times people who reconnect don't really want to get back to being friends, or engage in an innocent exchange of ideas and information or situations. There is always this scrutiny, comparison, feeling of competition, being judged, coming up trumps or not, in-your-face interrogation.....and then a void, they just disappear (or disconnect) and remain distantly watchful.
Call me paranoid, but the day I speak to my close friends through social media, I guess we would've already moved on. Gmail, Skype and gsm is my style. I've just had it with Facebook. The extreme yin-yang. I must figure out something to do with my settings...all I ever go there for is to wish people on their b'days (#asifitmatters), some misc. information. I have everyone there - school friends, college friends, colleagues, ex(nice) bosses, neighbours, parents even. Come on, how many people do I engage with, the frequency, and for what reason.
Colleagues and bosses - we have nothing in common anymore - no reviews, no boss/work cribs, no more office gossip, and my boss can no longer ask me for any reports! And others from the sweeping past. Batch mates from those degrees/diplomas, no I don't have many - degrees, that is :)? And most of them are nice people but nothing in common now - I do random likes on updates and photos. And talking about photos, what's with the sharing - b'day pics, wedding celebrations, honeymoons, keep it coming huh!! And women, are they party dresses or lingerie or I am Rip Van Winkle of haute-couture, I just don't get it, so apologize in advance!! Sure everybody seems to be having a great time. My life is indeed so bloody aspirational!!
And the cheek of some, I just don't get it . You want to be friends with me now, after all these years. You, the boy whose stare made me so uncomfortable me during my 2 years in that school and kept tabs on me through a classmate, played politics too - both have sent friend requests. And if we did not talk then, what on earth can we talk about now!! And you, dear cousin, only for the sake of those summer holidays are on my page. I see you liking everybody's photos but mine, not fair! S, I finally friended you, but you got the message right!! And A, please stop poking me time and again. And D, nice to speak to you on chat, yes, we were both being polite #thingswehavetodo.
For all those I do not friend, just shrug your shoulders and move on. If it makes you feel better, it's been done to me too. Nothing personal! And for the record, twitter is more impersonal and great for information sharing. But if you protect your tweets, sorry, I block you too. Having typed all this, I confess, I do visit FB when I have nothing better to do......it's irreverent, boring, insane, and amusing, you choose........ and I refuse to be led up to the gullitone!!
Ok, I do exaggerate! Who is so lukkha, jobless to obsess of an uninspiring middle of 30's homemaker whom they knew back in school or in braces or as a trainee. But you know what, there are all sorts. I mean, half the times people who reconnect don't really want to get back to being friends, or engage in an innocent exchange of ideas and information or situations. There is always this scrutiny, comparison, feeling of competition, being judged, coming up trumps or not, in-your-face interrogation.....and then a void, they just disappear (or disconnect) and remain distantly watchful.
Call me paranoid, but the day I speak to my close friends through social media, I guess we would've already moved on. Gmail, Skype and gsm is my style. I've just had it with Facebook. The extreme yin-yang. I must figure out something to do with my settings...all I ever go there for is to wish people on their b'days (#asifitmatters), some misc. information. I have everyone there - school friends, college friends, colleagues, ex(nice) bosses, neighbours, parents even. Come on, how many people do I engage with, the frequency, and for what reason.
Colleagues and bosses - we have nothing in common anymore - no reviews, no boss/work cribs, no more office gossip, and my boss can no longer ask me for any reports! And others from the sweeping past. Batch mates from those degrees/diplomas, no I don't have many - degrees, that is :)? And most of them are nice people but nothing in common now - I do random likes on updates and photos. And talking about photos, what's with the sharing - b'day pics, wedding celebrations, honeymoons, keep it coming huh!! And women, are they party dresses or lingerie or I am Rip Van Winkle of haute-couture, I just don't get it, so apologize in advance!! Sure everybody seems to be having a great time. My life is indeed so bloody aspirational!!
And the cheek of some, I just don't get it . You want to be friends with me now, after all these years. You, the boy whose stare made me so uncomfortable me during my 2 years in that school and kept tabs on me through a classmate, played politics too - both have sent friend requests. And if we did not talk then, what on earth can we talk about now!! And you, dear cousin, only for the sake of those summer holidays are on my page. I see you liking everybody's photos but mine, not fair! S, I finally friended you, but you got the message right!! And A, please stop poking me time and again. And D, nice to speak to you on chat, yes, we were both being polite #thingswehavetodo.
For all those I do not friend, just shrug your shoulders and move on. If it makes you feel better, it's been done to me too. Nothing personal! And for the record, twitter is more impersonal and great for information sharing. But if you protect your tweets, sorry, I block you too. Having typed all this, I confess, I do visit FB when I have nothing better to do......it's irreverent, boring, insane, and amusing, you choose........ and I refuse to be led up to the gullitone!!
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Very interesting post!!! I realized the same thing recently. Unfortunately could not now go back and unfriend many of the 250+ people who are on my fb friend list. So I did the next best thing. Created a closed group of about 60 people. Only they can see my posts and photos. Feel much better now :)
ReplyDeleteTrue that, Aparna, can't unfriend now:) Good idea about the closed group. Realised that I really don't use FB to connect with those closest to me, it's just an inner circle-outer circle kind of thing for a lot of people, including me!!
DeleteHey something happens to my comment, when i comment on your blog!!! I think i forget to select the account...
ReplyDeleteSo basically what i was trying to say was:
Rip Van Winkle of haute-couture, Really very funny :)
Ha, ha! Thanks, but it is true for me :)
DeleteI am done with facebook!! It is nothing but a show-off planet for the holier than thou kind of people :-/ And, it does upset and impact me because I respect my pace and space, both.
ReplyDeleteI think we relate differently with different people! And the thing with FB is that when all different types get together, it can get extremely chaotic to manage sharing and relating. I do understand the pace and space need, I have it too. Thanks for visiting, Chintan!
DeleteI hear you gal! I cannot understand the need and urge to post mundane details of your life every minute on FB! I loved the closed group idea of Aparna. Should try it out..but anyway I hardly post any status on FB, so maybe it just doesn't matter. But am surprised at people who I hardly knew in person wanting to befriend me..makes me think if there is a secret prize for having a particular number of friends on FB ;-)
ReplyDeleteHardly know is one category and people-from-distant-past is another lot. It's awkward when you look at some people on your list and can't think of anything to talk to them about. Agree Uma, indeed, the closed group idea sounds like a good idea.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteI can completely relate to what you are saying specially requests from those who were actually a pain in the neck. Why on earth they do that is a mystery. I have been struggling to make groups as well.
ReplyDeletebtw, change your gravatar profile... It links to some other blog as I told you :)
-Jas
Hi Jas, Thanks for visiting! Good to know that other people feel the same way too! Btw, I checked the link to my gravatar profile, it brings me back here!!
ReplyDeleteThe pace and space, as Chintan points out, is the critical thing here. As long as I am able to keep the door handle of my space on the inside, I am fine. But the nature of social media is such that it gives people permission to, if nothing else, knock on your door. I feel that the biggest problem with the digital space is the reach it has and the speed with which that reach can be accessed. While this helps in many ways, it also opens your space up to a world which is more infantile than one would want to believe. Can totally understand and agree with your point of view. Tight read. Thanks for sharing the link.
ReplyDeleteAgree Subhorup, the speed at which social media works is mind boggling. I like to be in control of my pace and space when relating with people. Agree to the fact that the world shows up as more infantile. Thank you for visiting:)
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