Auto, not ought to, what aut2?

The summer before, I learnt driving here. The practical training was preceded by a theory test, which took for me 2 attempts to clear. In Belgium, they insist on clearing the theory test as believe me, there are so many rules for a given situation, type of road, speeds and priorities, etc, that all this information for someone who has never driven before can be mind boggling and scary.

The practical training consists of 20 hours, that is 10 sessions of 2 hours each. My husband had gone through this route 3 years ago and though we did not have a car back in India, for him driving was a breeze. Ha, ha, for me its been different. I had the first 3 sessions with an instructor over a month. At the end of those 2-hour sessions I would be exhausted. I would sit with my jaws tight, gripping the steering wheel so tightly that my hands ached and sweated, and eyes totally glued to the front - like a zombie. No, I could not look at the mirrors - the front or the side.  It took me all that I had to keep the car going straight and I don't even want to say but the whole business of changing the gears was pretty tiresome. Every time I had to change the gear, the car would sway and threaten to cross the thick white line dividing the road which would amount to a major traffic offense. And getting that breaking point without trying too hard, I wonder how people do it so nonchalantly. Every time I needed to during a traffic signal, my car has sputtered and jerked and has been honked to.

After Andy, it was Rudy who took over. I had had a gap of a month in between. I was back to zero. Rudy was  patient at first, but I think I was a very trying student. I would crawl on the highways and steer dangerously close to the white line and when it came to driving in residential areas, I used to be speedy and reckless and have my gears all wrong, even drive on the wrong side at times:). He used to ask me if I practice at home, but I just didn't or rather couldn't. First it was hubby's monstrous 4*4, almost like a truck, and if both had to be in it together, where could we leave the kids, he was totally not for taking kids along and so on so forth. So I just used to shake my head at Rudy and say no.............I don't have a car for myself! More non score!

Well, after 20 hours, I could drive, even look at the mirrors, though seeing cars behind me made me v. v. nervous. And I could take a hand off to put the lights on, etc. Reversing and parking manoeuvres still needed working on. I even took 2 extra hours of learning. But I was not ready, confident. I sensed I was not the one controlling the car. And very reluctantly, Rudy signed the papers for me to get a provisional driving license. He told me in the interests of yourself and other people, please don't drive alone. He looked very worried when he said it. I got my provisional driving license but there was no joy in it. Nothing, it was embarrassing to learn that you have trained and can't drive. The husband once asked me to reverse his car and it took me a while as the reverse gear in his car works differently than the one I trained on and was not impressed.

So. That is the story of almost 18 months ago. Later a couple of women told me that they had found the manual difficult too and found driving easier with the automatic. I have 2 months to go before my provisional license expires and then I have to go through the whole rigmarole again. I will probably need to take a couple of hours training on an automatic before I am good to go. But I really need a car to practice for myself, maybe first drive in my locality at a quite time to gain confidence. However, I really don't know if I will get one, the husband is so not confident of me.

I wish I had not been a good girl. I too ought to have stolen my father's car from the garage whilst he was away at work and learnt. That's how my brother did, when he was in the 8th std. I wish I had taken to driving like a fish to water. My biggest grievance is my dependence on my husband for everything. If I could only drive my daughter to the gym on wednesdays, for music on mondays, to playdates with her friends on somedays, finish my grocery shopping during the weekdays so my husband does not have to get his hand's dirty and so much more. Then I could also have taken up the one job that came my way. Life is a bitch sometimes! Urghh! Don't know what to make of this one! Don't want to sweep this under the carpet!