Long pending goodbye

I really did not expect her to be there. But there she was, with her kind brown eyes and smiling face - that slight teasing mischievous smile she used to wear at all times. Her hair tied up in a bun and a shawl wrapped in the January chill. She had heard the metallic click of the gate and had identified the sound of my steps. Aunty was a sharp one, she was the best friend and confidante of each of us in the PG. I can't speak for the other girls, have even lost touch with most of them, maybe they felt the same too. For me coming home to the PG with floral wallpapers and the striking blue dining table, after a gruelling day outside seemed as if I was home.

Indeed, it was my home for many years. The first time I remember Auds and me looking for places to stay. Luckily a senior mentioned this place and after a few wrong turns in following the address we landed here, and never left. She when she went abroad for her PG studies and me after I got married. Life was a constant series of changes then, only I did not see it that way.  When we first moved in her mother had passed away a few months ago. Aunty had never married as she wanted to take care of her invalid mother. She had 2 brothers who were estranged. She herself was engaged to be married but had opted out of it to take care of her parents. It's been a long time and there are lot of gaps to her story. I was young and so full of myself, was I even really listening.

One of the things I will regret lifelong is not keeping in touch with her. I did make an attempt to call her in the early days of getting married and this is no excuse certainly but I moved worlds. I had managed to distance myself from most things in my earlier life - Aunty was one of them. Even that flooded day in 2005, or was it 2006, I was stuck between going to Aunty's or my friends and I choose the latter. At least then I could've met her. She died of  throat cancer. I was at my mother's place, just had my second child. I offered a silent prayer for her but who could I call and what could I say after all these years.

So when I finally landed unannounced at our PG, I was puzzled but happy to see her. She showed no signs of illness. We went to our room - the green wallpaper was still there, she was going to put pink but I'd said green is more soothing. A couple of cartons of books and other knick-knacks lying around. The others have taken their stuff, you just have to sort out yours. I looked at my books - old personal diaries, letters and cards from long ago, some books I never knew I had, an old rusted reading lamp, some Dutch books - had I known about my life now then?

Some friends landed - a girl had cut her finger and Aunty helpfully cleaned and bandaged it for her. The neighbour dropped in for a 2-min chat. The house was not its normal state. Where were all her things? Her music player and collection of old Hindi songs, her books, her thermos flask with hot water? But did you not know, it is A and her daughters living here now, they've been waiting for you to clear up. I am sorry for taking so long, I said. Her smile said, it's ok. I packed my stuff, wondering how it would fit in my life now.

Should I run and get us a vada pav like old times, I asked? I will come with you, she said. We walked together, in the tree-lined shade of Mogul Lane, paused for a minute at the small temple on the road. When I looked up I was all alone, the temple bell sounded an alarm for 6:00 am.