Teetotaler, does that even exist? Blogging Marathon 2014 Post 9
The other day we had a spirited discussion amongst a few friends on booze, drinking, etc. I don't drink alcohol now. Ok, I use now to state that I have tried it a few times, not at this party where I was on watch-duty. But at other times post college, with close friends, just to satisfy my curiosity about it. Growing up, I've seen my father drink only occasionally, almost never at home, at all such times my mother would make a very angry and discouraging face. So there's been this sense of discomfort about how to view drinking as a practice.
During my working days, a couple of times when we friends had got together to party I've tried it.(Ah well, my Mom does not read my blog!). I was not too enamored by it, but a big deal was made to encourage all people to drink, which I never understood. It used to give me a headache or make me puke. One of my room-mates who was a relationship manager for an AMC had told me that not drinking with a client could put them off, so one had to make a pretense of drinking. She would always carry a glass with her, pretend sip it, and pour it out or discard it, whichever was easier. I know for a fact that a lot of professional gatherings etc require that people do a certain amount of 'social drinking'.
I am not for or against alcohol. I don't think it does anything for me personally. I think it is a personal choice for an adult individual - which may get reshaped at various points of time in life. There are enough cases of families being torn apart because of the drinking habit. Also, it has been a part of our tradition and culture, even offerings to God are made with alcohol in some states. Politicians use it to buy votes. It is a flourishing industry - there are beer barons and whiskey barons. Pubs and bars are tipped as quick-money businesses.
There are a few things about alcohol and related which I am at a loss to understand. To me it smacks of hypocrisy and double standards and total farce-
1. Judging those who drink, and again different rules for men and women. Some people care too hoots while others want to paint a very different picture.
2. Amongst women, different leeway and variation in severity of judging towards different categories - single working woman, married woman, and married woman who stays with in-laws, single mothers, celebrities, models, etc.
3. A lot of women say, but we drink only wine. That's not the same. Does wine not constitute alcohol?
4. A lot of men who don't drink say they find it difficult in a get-together as people are constantly goading them to drink or questioning why.
5. In a house, especially in a joint family set-up with in-laws, it is ok if the son drinks, but not the daughter-in-law, even if it is her husband who offers her the drink.
6. The same mil or dil combo will be asked to make hot pakodas or other stuff that goes well with the drinks.
7. When people drink, especially if it is free booze, often they tend to go overboard, lose their senses and create ruckus or pick up fights. Why do people drink to the point of inebriation, that too in public, is beyond my comprehension.
8. Boys or men say they need alcohol as a conversation starter? Makes no sense again.
9. Justifications like - But I drink wine only and I don't even touch non-veg, beats logic in every way.
10. I drink occasionally - parties, New Year, celebrations, etc. Why justify?
11. Facebook pictures and confessions on social media - Validation or what, do enlighten me on this!
12. My husband/wife is better/superior/one-up than yours because he/she does not drink! - No comments on this one either.
13. All those who love rum-balls, liqueur chocolates, etc, - albeit occasionally, but which side would you stand for?
Like I maintain, I don't drink. On a recent trip to Prague, it was very cold when we sat down for dinner. I saw a warm drink on the menu - hot apple juice, which I ordered. Did not read the fine print, it had some apple cider. Felt nice and warm after drinking it. There rest my claims on being a teetotaler.
During my working days, a couple of times when we friends had got together to party I've tried it.(Ah well, my Mom does not read my blog!). I was not too enamored by it, but a big deal was made to encourage all people to drink, which I never understood. It used to give me a headache or make me puke. One of my room-mates who was a relationship manager for an AMC had told me that not drinking with a client could put them off, so one had to make a pretense of drinking. She would always carry a glass with her, pretend sip it, and pour it out or discard it, whichever was easier. I know for a fact that a lot of professional gatherings etc require that people do a certain amount of 'social drinking'.
I am not for or against alcohol. I don't think it does anything for me personally. I think it is a personal choice for an adult individual - which may get reshaped at various points of time in life. There are enough cases of families being torn apart because of the drinking habit. Also, it has been a part of our tradition and culture, even offerings to God are made with alcohol in some states. Politicians use it to buy votes. It is a flourishing industry - there are beer barons and whiskey barons. Pubs and bars are tipped as quick-money businesses.
There are a few things about alcohol and related which I am at a loss to understand. To me it smacks of hypocrisy and double standards and total farce-
1. Judging those who drink, and again different rules for men and women. Some people care too hoots while others want to paint a very different picture.
2. Amongst women, different leeway and variation in severity of judging towards different categories - single working woman, married woman, and married woman who stays with in-laws, single mothers, celebrities, models, etc.
3. A lot of women say, but we drink only wine. That's not the same. Does wine not constitute alcohol?
4. A lot of men who don't drink say they find it difficult in a get-together as people are constantly goading them to drink or questioning why.
5. In a house, especially in a joint family set-up with in-laws, it is ok if the son drinks, but not the daughter-in-law, even if it is her husband who offers her the drink.
6. The same mil or dil combo will be asked to make hot pakodas or other stuff that goes well with the drinks.
7. When people drink, especially if it is free booze, often they tend to go overboard, lose their senses and create ruckus or pick up fights. Why do people drink to the point of inebriation, that too in public, is beyond my comprehension.
8. Boys or men say they need alcohol as a conversation starter? Makes no sense again.
9. Justifications like - But I drink wine only and I don't even touch non-veg, beats logic in every way.
10. I drink occasionally - parties, New Year, celebrations, etc. Why justify?
11. Facebook pictures and confessions on social media - Validation or what, do enlighten me on this!
12. My husband/wife is better/superior/one-up than yours because he/she does not drink! - No comments on this one either.
13. All those who love rum-balls, liqueur chocolates, etc, - albeit occasionally, but which side would you stand for?
Like I maintain, I don't drink. On a recent trip to Prague, it was very cold when we sat down for dinner. I saw a warm drink on the menu - hot apple juice, which I ordered. Did not read the fine print, it had some apple cider. Felt nice and warm after drinking it. There rest my claims on being a teetotaler.
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By US standards, you are still a teetotaler :) Check this out:-
ReplyDeletehttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apple_cider
Thanks, what a relief:)
DeleteAgree to most of the points...Personally I have been brought up with a belief that drinking is a bad habit, so its very difficult for me to shake off this notion..and I dont believe in gender equality literally, so I feel that if the girls have this good habit of not drinking why should they do it now...
ReplyDeleteOtherwise drinking is just a habit and those who drink in limits without hurting either their finances or demeanour and health are fine be it man or woman...
True, I also think it is unnecessary but again an individual choice. If done within limits - there again, who defines these limits and parameters is the question. These may vary as per social situations, family values, circumstances, just too many variables so I guess to each his own.
DeleteYou are right about it being an individual choice..
ReplyDeleteDuring our Leh visit when we stayed in a tent in sub zero temperature, I felt we could have done with some Alcohol..
I wouldn't say I've never had Alcohol in my life.. During our Kashmir vacation, I remember papa giving me and brother some brandy (it was very diluted). But I had it..
But yes, we don't drink socially and thankfully we are not forced a lot to try it..Especially when we threaten people that they will have to take care of Zini if we loose our senses ;)
Agree ZM, it is an individual's choice. There is a geographical and cultural perspective to this too. I've known people from Russia, who lived in sub 45 degrees and they say downing a shot of whiskey-vodka before going out is the way of life. What gets to me is judging people based on their choices, having different judgement parameters for men and women, the need to be defensive about it, or the fact that non-drinking makes one superior in some way or that drinking is cool! There are so many contradictions, none make sense.
DeleteI think there's some scientific evidence that proves that alcohol does more damage to a woman's body than a man's; it could have something to do with child bearing. But of course, the judgement passing by society is mostly about men having a special 'entitlement' to alcohol and about women being sober and quiet always. Wonder who cleans up all that puke.
ReplyDeleteAgree Fab, especially expecting mothers should abstain from alcohol. But overall it does more harm than good, especially if one drinks frequently. And you are right about the 'entitlement part' - I'd say it is more of Indian culture, isn't it? The cross-currents of opinion and stands on this one are too many.
DeleteI agree with your points Chatty Wren. But from what I know medically, frequent drinking is better than occasional drinking. Occasional drinking does more harm than good. A little alcohol never hurt anybody but then again it's an individual choice. My dad drinks beer regularly at home and at parties and even socially. I grew up to believe alcohol = beer. I usually had a sip or two of beer from my dad's glass while my mum sipped gin or wine. When I got married, our was an arranged marriage, my husband told me on I drink regularly, so I was under the impression that great, another beer drinker. To my shock I realised later that he drank whiskey regularly but never got sloshed or drunk. All of my in laws drink, whiskey, wine, rum, gin, liqueur you name it. My mil loves beer and Tequila shots! I was a bit intimated by all this initially. I thought I had married a family of drunkards. But that wasn't the case. I realised everyone enjoys drinks and food - non veg but everyone is in limits. Kids are not allowed to drink, not even a sip. Not even the college goes. There's a simple rule in the family. Once you start earning you are welcome to join the table and take a glass. And everyone appreciate it. There's no cheap thing about it. Everyone is quite responsible about it and knows his/her limits. Over the years I have developed a taste for it. I try a variety of wines, rum, vodka and even whiskey occasionally. I am really proud to say that I have the freedom to ask my father in law for a drink, even nudge him and prompt him to get me one. I wonder what everyone thinks of this?!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your perspective, Maddie. I was totally unaware about the benefits of frequent drinking over occasional, I should read up on this. Really appreciate and admire your family's values and outlook on this. You are a lucky girl!
ReplyDeleteI do agree that each to their own when it comes to drinking. It annoys me when people judge others for drinking or even for not drinking. Either way, depending on which society you are in, you have to justify yourself which I don't think should be the case.
ReplyDeleteI grew up seeing my dad drink socially and have a beer on the weekends if he wasn't on call. My mum's brother and his wife drank a fair bit too but no one ever got drunk. Mum would only drink a little bit of port wine when we visited a friend for Christmas. I think because of that I have been pretty responsible with my alcohol intake. I've never felt the need to hide it from my parents and while I have gotten drunk a couple of times, it hasn't been to the point of not knowing what was going on around me. I'll still have a glass of red wine twice or thrice a week and in moderation, this is good for you.
Thanks for sharing your views, Psych Babbler. I also think it is very unfair to put someone on the defensive just because you don't or do something. Being open and responsible about alcohol is the best thing that parents can teach their children, if they partake that is.
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